Let The Games Begin

I've noticed, as an adult, that when I'm stressed I always end up in the kitchen. Yesterday morning I was up early making blueberry jelly. This was my first canning session of the season and I'm ready for the garden to start producing. Hopefully it won't be too much longer!! There is something so very relaxing about canning for me. I enjoy making food and I take pride in the fact that I won't have to go to Walmart for jelly in the next year. Considering our current financial situation, its a really good way to save us some money. I plan on making the very best of our situation and canning as much as I am able. We still have alot left over from last year so I'm trying to find ways to use/reuse last years bounty. So if anyone has any good recipes please pass them along.

I'm up early again this morning, just couldn't go back to sleep after nursing Gabbie. Is it possible to pray too much?? I found myself waking up in the middle of the night to roll over and I heard myself praying. I like to think that God always wants to hear our prayers but if I were in that position I would be like "OK Gladys, I get it. I heard you the first hundred times! I'm taking care of it!" Luckily God is a bit more patient than I am.

I wish I had a couple hundred dollars to blow. I'm so in DIY mode. I feel like painting and sprucing up the house. Before the bottom dropped out The Man and I were looking into a patio and painting the living room and I'm still in that mode. One day we will be able to work on the house again. Maybe I should buy that lotto ticket ;)

Don't have any plans for today. I hope to get the house cleaned and work on a couple sewing projects that need to get finished. If I do anything worth showing off I'll let you take a peek. Until next time.

When It Rains.....

Well if I thought life couldn't get worse I was sorely mistaken. The Man has been trying and trying and trying to pass his praxis test for chemistry. In my opinion, its completely ridiculous but alas its a must in order to get a license. He wasn't able to pass it in time for the new school year to start. So now, we are both in the unemployment line. Needless to say, I'm beyond terrified and I'm not even going to try and describe the state my husband is in.

We are keeping faith and praying, praying, praying, although I hope not too excessively. I honestly don't know what we're gonna do. I keep telling myself not to worry, to keep my head up, keep on truckin' etc. Then I stop and feel the hot hand of fear wrap around my throat. I know I'm probably entitled to a nervous break down right now but that's just not possible. Plus it would leave The Man open to one and while he also deserves one as well, I can bounce back from mine alot quicker than he can.

I know that God never gives us more than we can handle, but I'm getting really really close to my breaking point. I don't know how we are going to pay the bills, I don't know how I'm going to properly care for my daughter with no health insurance, hell, I don't know how I'm going to care for my husband and myself. I'm so very thankful for my Poppa and Step-Mommie. They took us grocery shopping over the weekend, so that's a bit off my mind. Maybe I should pick up a lotto ticket.

Mother took Gabbie over night so we have had a bit of down time, time to cry, time to panic, and time to come up with a game plan. We don't have any options, we have to find jobs asap. Well, I'm going to finish watching a movie and go to sleep. Until next time.

Monday

We got an update last night on the cousin situation. My male cousin has admitted to the molestation. He is home from the hospital and is meeting with a therapist. They have him on meds and all that good stuff. I don't know whether or not my aunt and uncle are going to press charges or not. I'll let you know as I get more info. I have to say that I'm thankful for this. He needs treatment and help so very bad. Now the family can start healing from all of this.

I went today and dropped off a couple more applications. Keep your fingers crossed. I also put a call into a good friend of ours. He works at a Forensic lab in Nashville. They are hiring in all their departments. I sent them an application and resume as well. I'm really hoping to hear from them. Although it would mean traveling an hour plus to get to work, it would also me that I get to use my mind!! I've heard really good things about this company too and I know from what our friend is saying that its much better than the previous lab we worked for.

Don't have much else planned for the week. We are planning on going blueberry picking with mother this week which means that I'll be making jam. I'm excited! Part of me wishes the garden was in full swing so that I can spend my time not working by putting up veggies and canning. I'm sure I'll find something to do though.

Hope you all have a good day. Until next time!

A Good Day

We have had such a great day. Woke up early and had coffee outside. Then we got dressed and headed down to the farmers market. I was in search of green beans to make Gabbie some baby food. We were in luck!!! Got some of those, some zucchini for dinner tonight and a bucket o' blackberries for dessert. I have a feeling that we will be heading there more often. There were farm fresh eggs, homemade breads, jams, and all kinds of produce. All the produce looked great too!

After that we went to one of my favorite places for a hike, Old Stone Fort Archaeological Park. Its one of two Mississippian mounds in Tennessee and only a 15 minute drive from the house. It was Gabbie's first hiking trip and she had a BLAST!!! I figured she would either fall asleep or start fussing but she did neither. She was awake and alert the entire time except for the last 5 minutes when she finally fell asleep, like she knew that the end was right there. It was a great day!

I was so excited this morning. I truly felt like a kid again. As children Poppa would take Mabel and I hiking all the time. We went all over the place!! We were always getting into something one the weekends. And yes dad, if you're reading this, I did end up with rocks in my backpack. I haven't split them yet but I'm almost positive of what I'll find;) I finally know what it feels like to hike out with a pack full of rocks. I think that was where you made a mistake, you carried them. I think that if Mabel and I had had our own packs and had to carry all the rocks in them, we would have brought alot less home. So when Gabbie is big enough for her own pack, she's definitely getting one!!








Even Auntie Mabel was there in spirit (raccoon tracks)!! I think next time we are going to take the girls with us. Now that we know how Gabbie is going to be, it will be easy for me to wrangle the dogs. Now we're home napping. Gonna have a great dinner and hopefully we'll sleep through the night, but I'm not holding my breath!!! Until next time!!

A New Day

Thank you all for your love and prayers. I truly appreciate them. Unfortunately in the state of Tennessee, employers can hire and fire at will, with no reason. I know that this is a blessing in disguise, we just have to wade through it now. I will keep you all posted on our progress. I pray that I can report some good news in the near future.

Promise to Myself

I suppose its not surprising that I've been so busy, too busy to post. There have been alot of changes to my life and I have promised myself that I am going to post more often even if there's not a single soul that reads it. I've always found writing therapeutic. I've kept journals since I was a young girl and now that I'm a big girl I still want to continue with that. I kept a journal through my pregnancy for Gabbie to one day read. I'm still keeping up with that and I plan to keep it going but I need an outlet just for me, my blog. So here I am, at a low point in my life, having a therapy secession.

First, and the most major, I was fired from my job. Yes... you heard me right. No warning, no notice, nothing. I was called into the office and told I was being let go. Talk about a nervous break down. I just kept thinking, "I have a 5 month old daughter and a house payment. What are we going to do?" I kept praying and praying... and praying and praying. I know that God never gives you more than you can handle, but Lord I've had enough. I know it can always be worse too. I'm trying to look on the bright, see the silver lining, and have faith, but its hard. I woke up this morning expecting to be depressed, but I wasn't. I actually felt good. It was then that I knew everything was going to be ok, somehow. I know there is no point in worrying myself to death, it won't make anything better. So I've given it all to God and I'm going to do everything I can to get a new job ASAP.

Second, I found out last weekend that my 15 year old female cousin was molested by our other male cousin. This was a shock. I've know for years that our male cousin needed some help, he hasn't been "right" since his mother passed when he was very young. This has thrown our family for a loop. I love both of my cousins so very much, and I hate to see either of them suffer and hurt. But that's exactly what they are both going through. My male cousin is in a mental hospital now, finally getting the help that he needs. My female cousin is hanging in there. Her parents are consulting an attorney and I'm uncertain of what they are going to do. I pray that in time, my family can heal from this. We are all so very close, I hate that something like this has happened.

Third, The Man's job is in jeopardy. He has yet to pass the Chemistry praxis and he has to pass in order to continue teaching. He was able to take it one last time and I pray every day that he has passed. Needless to say, he has been in a funk. We won't find out his test scores til July 5. I honestly don't know what we are going to do if he doesn't pass....Lord that's too much!!! I'm not worrying about it though...it won't help. I keep trying to tell The Man that but he won't listen. He's such a worrier, just like mother. I pray that he finds peace with all this. I know he is completely freaking out inside, he just won't show it to me.

Fourth, my step-grandmother has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She opted for chemo but I have a feeling its not going to do any good. She is fading fast. Honestly its probably better that way. I hate that she has to suffer at all, let alone for an elongated period of time. My mother and step-father are her primary care givers. Mother is doing everything she can but I know that she's not going to last long. I've told them to look into a full time nurse. I pray that God does not allow her to suffer long.

Needless to say, its been rough. Although there are so many things going wrong, there is still plenty to be thankful for. I know that it can always be worse and I pray that it doesn't get worse. I am so thankful for my family. I know that regardless everything will work out. My daughter will be taken care of, the mortgage will get paid, and some day soon The Man and I will crawl out of this rut in the road. Seems like all I do anymore is pray but I guess there are worse ways to pass the time.

My daughter has become my air. Just looking at her makes everything worth it. She's truly amazing. She's learning so much, every day she changes. I thank God every day for her. If The Man and I weren't in such a financial black hole, I wouldn't mind getting pregnant again. No I'm not crazy... I just LOVE being a mom!!! It is something that I've always known I was supposed to be. Now that I am a mother, I can't wait to have more children. Its funny, 5 years ago the only thing I wanted was to get my PhD and have an amazing career. Now the only thing I want is to have more babies and put up some tomatoes!!! Talk about a 180!! I still want my PhD, but I know now what my calling really is.

Thank you, whoever you are, for reading this and listening. I am making a real effort to post more, because I know that it will help me overcome. Plus its free therapy!!! I leave you with some new picture of my amazingly gorgeous daughter. Until next time!!

I'm Still Here

Life has been crazy, chaotic, and less than perfect lately. The Man and I are trying to roll with the punches but its not easy. We are having to take a hard look at our finances and make some even harder decisions. Its time to trim away all the excess and hopefully we can come out on top. We are also going through the house and barn and getting rid of the things that have been laying around for a while. We need to build up our savings again... it's been whittled down to nothing with my maternity leave. Times are tough now but I know that it will get better.

We've also been dealing with some family issues. Let me just say that things are better but far from over. I have to admit that I wish certain family members lived closer, not naming any names, but I understand that it's not possible at the moment. I just miss my family, that's all.

Gabriella is growing like a weed. She's almost 4 months old and I can't believe it! She keeps us on our toes but I'm really enjoying it. I've been trying to get myself on some semblance of a schedule but haven't had any luck just yet. I'm just trying to get somewhat of a hold on things. Unfortunately there aren't enough hours in the day. I just need to train my body to survive off of 5 hours of sleep. Maybe then I'll have time to take down the Easter decorations!!!

In other news, it looks like we will officially be farmers soon. Our cow friend wants to trade the use of some of our property for a cow and the education on how to care for it. he wants to put a couple heifers on our back property and give us one as payment. I told The Man definitely!!! We also have started on the garden for the year. Our cow friend came and tilled it up for us with the tractor, which saved The Man days of hard work. Now we're all set to plant. I can't wait...so ready to can, pickle, and make jam!!!

I know I'm supposed to have Easter pictures up but I still haven't gotten them. So I'll leave you with a couple recent shots. Hopefully I can get them soon. Until then... ya'll make it a good one!