Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hanging In There

We have been busy since my last post. We had an amazing time in Ohio with Poppa and Step-Mommie. We will definitely be visiting them again. There is so much to do up there!!! Once Gabbie gets older we will have a great place to vacation to on the cheap ;) Our vacation was short lived though. As soon as we got home it was back to reality. Reality entailed tomatoes, peas, and cucumbers. Prior to our long weekend away, we went through the garden and picked all the cucumbers and all tomatoes with any bit of color to them. When we got in, all the toms were nice and ripe. I put up 18 quart bags of peas, 5 bags of tomatoes, and have 3 batches of sweet pickle relish in a brine. We've been going dawn til dusk. Finally everything was done this morning and The Man and I took the day off. It was hot, 99 degrees, and over cast all day. We were just waiting for the sky to open up, which it finally did this afternoon.

Now that the majority of our garden is slowing down, we are trying to plan for our fall/winter crops and early spring crops. I got online and ordered several seed catalogs to help us out. The man at the Co-op said that their fall seed and plants won't be until the end of the month. Hopefully we can get a plan going by then. We have big dreams, as you know, and we are slowing making them come true, at least as the farm goes.

I have to admit that we have had a bit of a push when it comes to The Farm, or at least I have. Before Gabbie was born I was told to read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingslover. I bought it and had just started it when Gabriella made her grand appearance. Needless to say it got pushed to the side for a while. I picked it back up again a couple of weeks ago and have been reading like a fiend! What she and her family have done is what The Man and I want to accomplish as well.

She has become my personal inspiration not only as a "farmer" but as a mother. I was truly touched and influenced by this book. If you want, not only a good read but a lesson on cooking, family, and exactly where your food comes from, read this!! She's an amazing person and a great writer. She writes like you were sitting at her kitchen table chatting away about the garden. I love her!!

With my new found focus and determination came the inevitable equal and opposite reaction, i.e. I heard about the job I've been interviewing for. They decided to got with another applicant. I was crushed; hysterical was more like it. I honestly thought that I had it. I needed that job so bad!!! I get teared up just thinking about it. So now we are back at step 1. The Man hasn't had any leads and I haven't had any more. I'm trying to keep my faith but I can honestly say I'm at bottom now. I know that with the support of my family we can make it through financially but I also know that can't last very long. I applied to a bunch more places today, we both did. There's not much out there that would pay what we need to get paid. I've got all my feelers out to everyone I know. I even have a convent, a whole convent, praying for us (a friend from high school is a nun!)I honestly don't know what else to do. I feel like a failure not only because I didn't get that position but because I put myself in this position.

I guess its normal to feel like this but I can't help but say "what if" and "if only". I'm trying to remain grateful for everything but its very difficult. I feel like a disappointment and I can't stand that feeling. I pray that it passes quickly and I get my old confidence back soon.

Tomorrow is a busy day, playing catch up from today. My aunt and uncle from Illinois are in and Mabel is coming in as well. The weekend will be full of family time which I badly need right now. I am so very grateful for my family. I'd be lost without them. I hope that one day I am able to "pay" them back for everything whether it be monetary or not. Until next time!


  1. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you. I always try to believe that when a disappointment happens, it means there is something better around the corner, but I also know it's hard to remain optimistic at times. Prayers being said for you in the tiny state of Delaware, too. (I'm a blogging friend of your step-mommie.)

  2. Hugs, y'all. This too shall pass. I went through this once. It's scary and feels like the end of the world. But it only means that something better is coming. Have faith.