Well it's finally Friday and I'm excited. Not only is it a doctor day but this weekend is supposed to be in the 50s so I will actually be able to get out and do things! I realized on my way to work today that this is one of the last weekends that I'll have to myself. From here on out it will be all about Gabbie and the other children that we want to have. It's rather bittersweet. I know that The Man and I won't be able to just throw the dogs in a kennel and leave for a long weekend, not that we did that often aways, but still. It's know that life will never be where it is at this moment again and that's almost scary. If we want to go out we'll have to find a baby sitter and then we won't be able to stay out til all hours of the morning. If we need to run to Walmart real quick, it will involve taking an enormous amount of stuff with us. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready, we both are. It's just the finality of it all. When we found out I was pregnant it was just a future idea...nothing that influenced us immediately. Well now, here it is.
I'm very thankful that The Man and I went away for our anniversary. I don't think we realize now just how important that was. Like I said, it will never be just us again. Honestly, I wish we could do it again before she comes, but that's out of the question now. We have promised each other that at least once a year we will go away, by ourselves, without any children. We both have talked long and hard about this and we both agree that it isn't a question of want...it's a need. We both agreed that it doesn't have to be some extravagant vacation either...just a long weekend somewhere so we can focus on each other and not everything or everyone else. We also said that we would take a family vacation every year, which is something that neither of us did as children but wished we had.
I know I'm getting pretty deep for a Friday, but I guess these are things that I should be thinking about now...right?? I've been thinking this whole pregnancy about how much my life has changed...but it really hasn't. Yea I had to stop drinking beer and I gained a bunch of weight, but nothing really changed. Now that I'm a week and a half away from my due date, I feel like I'm about to base jump and I don't know if the parachute will open or not. I know I'll be a good mother, but it's maintaining the other things, like myself, in the process. I always told myself that I wouldn't let go of my personal goals and dreams when she came. I hope that I have the strength and patients to continue with them. I know that The Man would never let me do that, but I don't want my own identity to become that of my daughter. Does that make any sense?
In light of all this philosophical thinking, I made a decision yesterday to apply to graduate school for fall semester. I don't know if I'll get in, I like to hope so, and I don't know if I'll have the time or if we'll have the money, but its something that I need to do. I HAVE TO!!! I'm an eternal student, and being out of school the past couple years has truly been hard for me. Plus, I think I'd be keeping with my New Year's Resolution if I at least applied! Like I said, nothing may come of it, but at least I'm moving in the right direction, in my own direction.
Until next time...Ya'll be good!